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Writer's pictureMelissa Evans

Maintaining calm in an uncertain world

Having spent the past 30 years working in schools, I have worked with many students. Students with ASD, ODD, Dyslexia, along with neurotypical young people. The variations in these students is vast with personality traits, learning styles and interests that make them each unique.


However, I have seen over and over the impact a lack of social and communication skills has in the classroom and in the playground.


Too often young people are not aware that what makes them uniquely them is not shared by others. They are not aware of the things that trigger them or how to appropriately communicate when they are being triggered. I see young people in classrooms, frustrated or anxious, unaware of how their behaviours are impacting themselves and those around them or how to change these behaviours. I see teachers who are frustrated or worn down, not knowing how to respond to what can be challenging behaviours and often not realising that the classroom environment may be the trigger for these behaviours.


So how do we break this cycle of triggers and responses? Here are a few tips that can go a long way to making your young person’s classroom experience more positive.


1. Identify triggers: Escalating behaviours are a response to a trigger. Often times it can seem like these triggers are imaginary, but they are there. Taking some time to observe, question and reflect can help to identify the underlying cause. It could be a sound, a smell, heightened energy in a room, or a transition. Every child is unique and what is a trigger for one is not a trigger for another. so get your detective hat out and start investigating. Believe me it will be worth it.


2. Explicitly and implicitly co-regulate: Young children in general are still learning the process of self-regulating. They need someone to co-regulate with them to help them understand their feelings and the process. Taking the time to help an escalated child soothe and understand heightened feelings builds a trusting, respectful relationship. In time when the child feels triggered or escalates it will become easier for you to calm them and eventually they may be able to calm themselves. It is important to determine what strategies work to de-escalate each individual child.


3. Provide subtle soothing items: I am a huge fan of a Calm Box. Providing items that help to soothe and calm can prevent or reduce the impact of an escalation on the child and you. It is best to have a designated box (this could be a box or a pencil case, whatever works for you and the child) for a child who needs regular assistance to remain calm. This can contain a variety of items that you know will help to reduce anxiety or frustration or to de-escalate (for a suggestion list of possible items see Build your own Calm Box. It is also handy to keep a couple of items in your pocket or handbag for emergencies (nothing like the noise of assembly or transitions to escalate behaviours).


Mastering social communication, like any other skill, takes practice, as it does being prepared to support a child or adult who have challenges with communication. One of the most common misconceptions is that these children are being spoilt, pampered or singled out. “Why don’t the other children get toys to play with” and “why doesn’t my child get one on one time with support staff”, are common questions. I have come to the conclusion that it is necessary to offer the Calm Box to all students, or children in the family - you will see that it is the child in need of emotional regulation who will use the Calm Box/ fiddle item or calming mat to meet their need to self regulate, they will return to an expected task in time, and the others will quickly return to their task more rapidly after their curiosity is met.


If you feel like your child needs help interacting with others LOL can help them acquire some of these social and communication skills so your child can have positive engagement in the classroom, the playground and at home. Contact us for a chat about your child's needs and how we may be able to support you and your family.

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